Challenging, in part, because I'm just learning how to do this particular task, but mostly because I ultimately need to do it in a way that is authentically me.
This is a tricky situation because when you don't know how to do something, you generally seek out the instruction of others who have gone before you and try to follow their footsteps, learning their principles of success. But, confusingly (for me), what keeps popping up is often their biggest success principle is that they blazed their own trail. (sigh)
Frequently, we hear the advice, "be yourself" or "pay attention to your own light," or even "follow your passion." You'd think that would be simple to do, easy advice to follow. But I haven't found that to be the case. I hear myself responding with thoughts like "well, who in the world am I?" or "I don't even know what my light looks like!" or "What the heck is my passion?"
I have come to the conclusion that "being you" can be a pretty tough trail to blaze.
As I was struggling with all this, one of my devotional readings this week was the biblical account of David and Goliath (1Samuel 17). Many people have heard this story even if they're not Christians. It's about a young man -- a shepherd -- going up against a great big fella, Goliath, in a battle between the Israelites and the Philistines. Goliath was a formidable combatant and very intimidating to all the armies. Anyway, David ends up fighting him in the name of his Lord with only a slingshot and stones from a nearby stream -- and kills him, much to the astonishment of all.
Now, the part I want to get to is this: As David was readying himself for the battle, the Scripture says that Saul, the king, put his own armor on David, along with his helmet and sword; then David took some time to walk around in it all and see how he could maneuver because he wasn't used to fighting with all those things on him -- some translations say "he hadn't tested them." But then, David took it all off, declaring he could hardly move and that these were not proven weapons for him. So he picked up his shepherd's staff, his slingshot, and the stones to arm himself for battle.
Even though the king (and probably many of the other soldiers all around him) was in essence saying to David, "this is how you fight this guy -- you need armor, and a helmet and a sword -- (which was fine because they were experienced soldiers and these weapons were proven to be successful for them in battle), when it came time for David to face Goliath himself, he had to rely on what he knew worked in his own experience -- even if it meant doing something different from the advice he'd been given.
As I was reading this, it dawned on me that was exactly what had been happening with me in this project. I'd been trying to walk around in someone else's armor -- trying to use someone else's weapon of choice in fighting the battle for success. I saw in David's courageous decision to stick with what he knew from his own experience -- what he had already tested for himself -- the way that I had to "be me" in this project.
David grew up herding sheep -- he'd fought his own battles and learned a thing or two --
and even though his battles were not among armies, but with fierce animals that were threatening his sheep, he recalled his experiences and had no doubt about his strengths. As I saw this, I realized I had been trying so hard to learn what I didn't know that I completely forgot to notice what I did know!
Now here was something I could get a handle on! I could think about what kinds of things I already knew worked for me -- and what didn't -- what things helped me be my strongest self, and what made me feel weak or insecure. I could "try on" everyone else's armor -- their advice, their rules for success -- and if I couldn't "walk around" in some of them, I gave myself permission to lay them aside and to truly identify my own "slingshot and stones."
God was with David in facing Goliath that day -- and David's greatest faith was in His power. It is my faith for my project that God's presence in it is my greatest power for success as well. I also believe He has somehow put proven weapons of my own in my hands.
I'm sure this will be an on-going journey for me (and I will undoubtedly blog in the future about variations on finding myself!), but for this week I learned what I needed to: that it is essential to trust what I have already learned in my life, and to make the courageous decision to behave in ways already proven to be a fit for my greatest strength.
It remains to be seen whether or not my project will be successful, but either way, I am delighted to know I'm one step further on the path to being me.
Wishing you "David" moments of being you this week!
Kay
www.confidentconflict.com
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