Good Water

I'm one of the fortunate people who gets to participate in the sport of rowing.  I'm on a team that does sweep rowing (one oar per person) and we do races, and, living in Florida, we get to row year round. As you would expect, the weather has a big impact on the sport -- especially the wind, because the wind makes the water wavy and choppy, which presents many challenges to the boat.


At practice, we're always looking for the calm water so we can work on our technique and synchronization.  We row on a lake, so when it's windy we look to the shoreline for this water -- the good water -- which is always behind the wind. For example, if the wind is blowing from east to west, the best water will be at the eastern shoreline.  We enter our lake from the west, so whenever the good water is at the eastern shore, the most efficient way to get there is to head directly into the wind and row straight through the rough, choppy water.  It's pretty tough to do sometimes.


At first the rough water hits you hard when you enter the lake from the calm canal near the boathouse. It throws you off balance. You are distracted from your rowing by the water splashing on you (and into the boat), and it seems as if your oar is rebelling.  But as you keep moving forward something happens -- you start to take charge of the situation.  You sharpen your focus and concentrate more on what's happening in the boat than around you. You figure out what adjustments you need to make in your stroke to accommodate the elements, and somehow you muster up more strength to control your oar and your balance.  You set your sights on the main objective: rowing well through the waves to the good water.


I remember all this when I think about hitting rough water in relationships -- especially when conflicts ensue.  I think the experience is very similar: we're thrown off the balance we've achieved when all was well, the circumstances around us seem to dictate the chaos that has engulfed us, and we definitely lose focus on all the things that have been good and true with the other person.


But in those instances, we seldom think about heading into the wind and facing the situation. (We'd really rather just dock the boat!)  We don't see that it is possible to regain our balance and keep moving forward. We don't believe there really are steps that can help us to see things differently, and we shy away from doing the strong work of empowerment and self discovery.


The truth is, it's detrimental to a rower to always row in good water because on race day when it really counts, you have no idea what the weather will be like, and if you haven't developed your abilities to deal with the waves and the wind, you won't do well in the race.  It's the challenge of the elements that pushes rowers to improve their skills, and if we want to deal competently with the realities of having other human beings in our life, we must allow the rough waters to equip us too.


I've hit some pretty rough water in my own life right now. I'm still at the point where my equilibrium is off, and it feels like new chaos is introduced every day.  But I take heart in the lessons I've gleaned from the water.  We have to understand that precious few of us naturally know how to deal with relational differences -- we have to learn how to work for peace.  We can regain our focus and learn new ways to move through the difficulties well. We can discover the strength we didn't know we had.  


When we courageously face the winds of struggling, when we set our goal to masterfully get to the other side of them -- when we push through -- the good water will be waiting. 

Kay
www.confidentconflict.com